It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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