Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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