I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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