I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
