he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think I sprained my soul last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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