grandma shit on top of the toilet
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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