Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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