The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
