So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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