in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
