ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
