FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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