you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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