forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
