i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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