There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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