I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize