Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
