I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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