also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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