Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
third nipple confirmed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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