I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
