I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
