you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
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My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
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you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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