so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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