Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize