My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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