it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
