This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
