I got chris browned last night
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
