first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
