I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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