the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
