I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
