I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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