Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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