His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
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