Non-Jews are for practice
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
