Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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