We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
