A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
