Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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