Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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