she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize