how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
