im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just forgot I was standing up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
