he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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