I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
