first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I want her autograph on my taint
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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