So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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