just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
