i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
