All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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