I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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