Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
how drunk are you?
Several
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
