I hate all girls vehemently.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess