My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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