I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
