It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?