Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
