Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
