Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
