Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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