I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
