if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
