I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
