So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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