I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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