i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
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I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
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I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.