Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST