Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
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After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.