I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK