Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.