Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
