I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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