I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
