You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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