So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
