from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think your dad took our porno
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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