the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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