If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
