I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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