haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
