Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I think your dad took our porno
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.