Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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