I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize