i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
